What I’d Tell My Younger Self

                                   –(and YOU, if you’re currently struggling…)

 

Around my birthday I tend to find myself in deep introspection. Where I’ve been, what I’m living and where do I want to go? What I’d tell my younger self now is so much different than what I would’ve said at an earlier point in time. It truly is a Blessing to be able to look back with awe and reverence for the self you were. In spite of the challenges faced, you’re still here. And in each moment, there is an opportunity to make different choices, to change one’s perspective and to grow one’s mindset.

We tend to look at growing older as a curse, something that’s a negative, an undesired phenomenon that we have no say about.

Well, we many not have a say about getting older but we do have a say in how we get older regarding our outlook.. 

 

The Importance of Self Care

 

I would tell my younger self about the importance of self care. Stop doing so much running around worrying about what agents and casting directors think of you and whether or not you’ll get this audition or that. Yes, running is part of the profession in the business of show but build in time to breathe. 

And big on the self care tip is to stop worrying so dang blasted much! OMG was I quite the worrier! It was friggin’ constant, I would drive myself frantic with worry. So much to the point that one day I couldn’t even get to an audition because I had a meltdown right at the door as I was about to walk out. It was a full-blown anxiety attack.

I crumbled to the floor in hysterics ’cause I had been so stressed out. I didn’t want to go to the audition and instead of turning it down, I was so worried I’d piss the agent off that I was making myself go. I was tired and stressed, should’ve stayed home and gotten in the tub with some bubble bath and epsom salt. But instead, my fear and worry got the best of me because I wasn’t looking out for myself and my well-being. Which leads me to…

 

The Importance of Self Love

 

Self Love is EVERY THANG.

You are your own best friend, You hold yourself in high-esteem. You take time to breathe, you meditate. You check in with self–am I happy? Is there something I’m overlooking that I can implement to have more Joy in my Life? Am I getting enough rest? Do I say no when I mean no? 

Am I making choices in relationships that nourish or harm me?

Oh boy, I was DEFINITELY in some rough and tough relationships! I stayed WAYYYY longer than I should’ve and didn’t listen to my Intuition. it was more important to be in a relationship than go solo. It seemed like such a deficit when I was in my early thirties.

But when you live in Self Love you know that the deficit is in being with people that are not for your Highest Good.

When you can revel in your own company and feel good in your own skin, that is PRICELESS.

Celebrate who you were and who you are Becoming.

 

Turbulent Times

 

I experienced a lot of trauma in my early years.  Some things I have long forgotten and blocked out, yet many things I clearly remember. One of them is the sight of my mother being hurled up against the wall by my father while I lay in my crib. Most of my view was blocked by a wall on the side, but, I could see my mother hit the front wall as if in a filmed scene.  She started crying, as did I and she quickly came to the crib to pick me up.

Fast forward to age nine, as she was taken out in a stretcher in the middle of the night. For the past year, I had known something was wrong as she had been ill for some time but tried to hide it from me. Again that view was like in a movie, seeing her from the small window of a doorway as she lay on the stretcher. Funny, I don’t recall hearing any commotion prior to that. I had been fast asleep but woke up just as they were taking her out.

 

To My Nine Year Old Self

 

OMG little girl. You carried sooooo much. In an instant, your Life changed drastically, it was as if you were living someone else’s. You experienced tragedy and turmoil in your tender years. Your mom dying, your father remarrying 5 months later to a really cruel person you didn’t know. In that same month, going to a brand new school over a mile away, taking 2 buses on your own after being shown a couple times (or was it one?) how to get there by your father.

I love you. I honor you. Thank you for your bravery to meet things head on while keeping your sense of self. Steady, bright, creative, observant, curious, inquisitive. Fun-loving. And while you had to grow up real fast, you were still very much a little girl. Thank you, for through you I am the person I am now.

P.S. you will go on to be so loved. And you will go on to live Life on your own terms. And we ultimately went on to forgive, Intuitively understanding that was a way to freedom. True freedom. And travel? Oh man, what we will go on to see in this beautiful world, the places we will go, some of which you saw in that old geography book like Thailand!

I am so very proud of us.

 

To My Ten Year Old Self

 

You took the brunt of your father’s anger then, beaten so badly you were swollen. He used a couple switches till they broke, then a belt till it broke, then he slapped you down to the floor repeatedly. 

But each time he knocked you down, you got up. Each time.

It was so bad that even he knew he had gone overboard. So afterwards, he didn’t beat you physically, he abused you verbally and was very mean and petty.

But still you rose.

You had no one to turn to as he had cut you off from your family on both sides. Yet, you were the safe haven for your little brother and still excelled in school!

I love you. I honor you. Thank you for your bravery to meet things head on while keeping your sense of self at that young age. Thank you, for through you I am the person I am now.

I am so very proud of us.

 

And oh dear, To My 16 Year Old Self

 

YOU were the one who prevented your father from killing your stepmother with your screams that night, pulling him from the brink in his drunken rage. 

That was a bitch of a summer. You got severely punished too, not allowed to go off the side of your block to hang with your friends after coming back from summer school.

That punishment lasted for the entire summer.

You were brave. You remained ever resilient in spite of the mess.

Because of you, I have been able to meet really tough challenges and see them through even when being absolutely scared. Thank you.

I am so very proud of us.

 

To My Teenager

 

Phew girl, we made it. Outta the fire that was our formative years, we went on to flourish and to grow comfortable in our own skin. All because of of you fighting for what you believed in. All because of your perseverance that nothing would stop you for having what you wanted. Thank you.

I am so very proud of us.

 

To All My Younger Selves

 

“It won’t always hurt so bad and you will be more than okay in all of this madness.”

“You will do better than survive, you will THRIVE…when you get your mental space together and use The Power that is within you to lay claim to Your Joy, to Your Peace and move through Your Life with Intention and Gratitude.“

My 30 year old self might have said, “I gotta do all that? It’s hard, I’m tired, I don’t want to be here anymore. I wanna leave this place, this planet, this Life.” (I struggled with a lot of depression in my younger Life. So much so, I almost checked outta here when I was 30).

My reply? “You can do anything you set your Mind on. And you will move through the pain. Slowly at first and then you’ll get the hang of it because you’ll learn to Listen better to your Divine Guidance. You can’t possibly understand that now, but a part of you truly does. You are not the pain, disappointments, failures, fears or frustrations you feel during periods in time. You feel them but they are not who YOU are. You will live an INCREDIBLE Life full of achievements, wonder, adventure and excitement. And LOVE.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

 

Sixteen More Things I Would Tell My Younger Self…and You

 

I’d let my younger self know that her stuck-in-the-mud-gotta-do-it-her way regardless of what the adults around her thought would serve her well in her Life. I’d let her know that ignoring all the comments about, “you so stubborn” from the time she was two was definitely the right thing for the Journey to come. 

I’d reassure her that the self-assuredness she walked with even when scared shitless at times would also serve her well. And when she faltered in doubt and fear and was ready to step off this Earth, that too, was a part of her process to locate the self she was meant to Become. And is still Becoming.

And in no particular order I’d tell her, and YOU

1) IT DOES GET BETTER:  when You get Your Headspace in a better place. Perspective is EVERYTHING. 

2) Say “THANK YOU” often:  gratitude Gratitude GRATITUDE. It is truly a game changer. The more you are in the State of Gratitude, the more things Flow into Your Life to be Grateful for. 

3) APPRECIATION:  goes hand in hand with Gratitude. Finding/seeing/recognizing more things and people to Appreciate makes Your Vibe go BOOM! 

4) TRUST YOUR GUT:  that is Your Divine Guidance speaking.

5) LIFE DOES GO ON AFTER A DEEP PAINFUL LOSS:  as I told you, my mother died when I was nine. I was in a black hole while the adults around me were spinning in their own cesspool of what the fuck? All I wanted was to be a grown-up so I could run my own Life. And then that went to shit. I lost myself many more times that I can count. To my younger self I can say, “what is lost can be found. A new sense of Self, of Freedom, of Knowingness, of Joy, of Peace, of Loving and Being in Love with Life. Do not give up, do not despair, for your wildest dreams will MANIFEST!” 

6) EVEN IN TIMES WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE, TRUST that a part of you does. How can you find YOU? Whenever you follow Your Bliss, YOU are there, and that is WHO YOU ARE. You are not a title, a category, or what you do for a living. YOU ARE THE ONE DOING THOSE THINGS. They are not who you are. Follow Your Bliss Little Star, for You are made of Stardust, and You are ALL that! 

7) MUCH OF WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS IMPORTANT REALLY ISN’T: Not, One. Damn. Bit.

8) QUALITY OF LIFE, QUALITY OF LIFE: what you want? What is the Essence of the things you want in Your Life? How ’bout Joy, Love, Peace, Abundance, Prosperity, Health? A Grounded and Centered Headspace? Make sure that is on the top of your list. Sure, you want the creature comforts, but don’t measure and judge Your Life based on somebody else’s time frame. That isn’t applicable to YOUR Journey at ALL. 

9) BEST FRIENDS GO OUT OF YOUR LIFE FOR NO FORSEABLE REASON. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY:  you did nothing to hurt them intentionally and don’t try to figure out why they stopped talking to you or being around you, Let it be. Folks got their own way of rollin’ which has nothing to do with YOU. Sure it hurt and though dazed and confused you’ll get over it and keep it movin’ 

10) DON’T SPEND TIME CAUGHT UP IN SOMEBODY ELSE’S BS: it’s their BS. Don’t make it yours (which is an addendum to the one above).

11) WHAT SOMEBODY ELSE THINKS ABOUT YOU OR ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE ABOUT TO DO OR HAVE DONE: is just that, what they think. What do YOU think? That’s what’s important. And if you don’t know, get quiet by taking deep slow breaths in and out. Repeat. You will Hear the Answers that are already within your airspace. Stop asking others what you should do because they’re not you and don’t have the insider info on your Journey ’cause they’re ain’t, YOU. 

12) LEARN TO GO WITH THE FLOW: the sooner you learn to do that, you will navigate with more Grace and less bumps and bruises. Spend more Energy on the things You DO have control over and stop worrying on what you cannot control. Control YOU, that’s one of your superpowers.

13) YOU CANNOT CHANGE PEOPLE. PERIOD. SO STOP TRYING: and stop hoping they’ll change ’cause they say they love you. They won’t. People change if and when THEY decide to and if and only if that happens, they will SHOW you in deed. Not just talk about it but BE about it!

14) USE ALL OF YOUR TALENTS: you will never want for Inspiration as you will be a walking idea chest and do MANY things! 

15) LIFE IS TRULY WHAT YOU MAKE IT:  wrap your head around that dearie and make it so! 

16) YOU HAVE SOOOOO MUCH GOING FOR YOU: You BETTAH RECOGNIZE! Spend less time in the Dark Zone and more in the Light That You ARE! 

 

❤❤❤❤❤ EXPECT THE BEST BECAUSE IT IS YOUR BIRTHRIGHT and ENJOY YOUR LIFE! ❤❤❤❤❤