Time to Fire Your Inner Critic–Self Criticism is A Downer & The Antithesis of Self-Care
Time to Fire Your Inner Critic. Like fo’ re-all. Self-Criticism is a DOWNER and tuh-ruh-ly the antithesis of self-care and WellBeing. Just like Worry is the Anti-Wellness Drug, we may think these things keep us safe but they really don’t. Though seemingly helpful at times, our Inner Critics are basically tormentors. Inner Critics only speak in accusatory tones and never ever ever compliment us. Matter of fact, if we allow those critics to hold sway, one would never think they were good at anything.
Swirl that around in your mind a moment.
Whenever I have gone through a deep depression, my Inner Critics were at the forefront of the downward spiral…’you’re a failure ’cause you don’t have XYZ by now, everyone else does’ or ‘you should be doing this by now’ or ‘you should have achieved this by now‘ or ‘you shouldn’t be going through this now‘ or ‘you shouldn’t be feeling this right now‘ or any other self-esteem breaking sentiments.
Mannnnnn it’s EXHAUSTING!
Do You Know Your Inner Critics By Name?
The lead Inner Critic in my head was my step-mother, geez, there was nothing good that I did in her eyes. She criticized me for eh-vuh-ry f**kin’ thang. If I got a 98 on a test I didn’t do well enough because I didn’t get 100. While in high school when I slayed ’em during a dance performance, on the way home she pointed out every flaw… (let’s not even give a girl credit for starting to dance at 15 when most trained female dancers start anywhere from the age of 2-7 years old!)
…and the ride home was at least an hour. It was filled with all her bitchin’ about my mistakes there were nevah any compliments. EVAH.
So having her voice constantly jabberin’ at me since the age of 10 had serious staying power. Her criticism didn’t end when I was a grown-ass adult either. But over time I had become more aware of Gloria screaming in my head and was able to silence her.
Her constant messaging? ‘You’re not good enough, you didn’t do that well enough and you are subpar.’
And then there was my aunt. Her voices consisted of Ms. Etiquette,
Ms. Oh I Don’t Like That,
Ms. That’s Wrong I Don’t Approve of What You’re Doing’
And last but not least, Ms. Her Way or No Way (a running family theme). There was and is a PLETHORA of do’s and don’ts OMG. Needless to say, I didn’t like having to go visit her when I was little. Whenever we did go, I had to be beyond my bestest behavior. Once she told me she’d forgotten I was even there because I was so quiet…I had gone into the study to play with my “imaginary” friends. Luckily they didn’t make me laugh out loud which they loved to do–even they were on their best behavior!
And ohhhhhhh let’s not forget Daddy Dearest. Him and Gloria played tag team in my head trying to out shout the other. Oh brother.
OMFG, How Do I Shut Those Voices Up?
That’s not to say that the voices occupying space in my head have been evicted, but I have learned how to fire them from running my Life. Sometimes those peeps can serve as protection or warnings to keep me in a safer space. Sometimes those voices can urge me to go further when I haven’t quite given my all, even though I thought I had.
But. I no longer allow those MOFO’s carte blanche to make me feel less than or to live rent free in my head. Nor are they able to make me feel bad about decisions I’ve made or are about to make.
To Fire Your Inner Critic(s) You Must Take Inventory
1. First of all, become more Aware of the fact that you even have Inner Critics. That they are not your voices but of various folks in your Life that have imprinted some sort of deep negative impact. That may sound like DUH but you have to learn to separate what is the critical voice versus what your Intuition is telling you.
2. If you are feeling bad based on what your IC (Inner Critic) has said ask yourself ‘why am I continuing to let those voices bully me?’ ‘Am I really what they are saying and the way they are saying it?’ Notice they never sound loving or encouraging ever. Try to get to the Inner Knowing. There is always a Greater You (Your Higher Self, Your GOD Essence) who knows better. That part of you knows that those voices are not-who-you-really-are.
3. Become more Aware of this equation: What I Think Precedes What I Feel. Now I realize that’s a tough one for many (and it sounded like a load of bull to me in the beginning until I began to connect the dots…)
4. Once you begin to see the correlations, when those ICs start jammerin’ atcha PIVOT PIVOT PIVOT. Switch to a different thought, one that’s uplifting. Or insert an Affirmation. If your IC says “you never do anything right!” insert the total opposite or anything that makes you feel good.
5. Be Patient and Intend to improve your relationship of yourself to Self. More Love, More Love, MORE LOVE. It takes time (but please don’t keep score). Remember that your ICs have had residence within you for a very long time. Also remember to
Allow the Light of Self-Love to stream through more often.
Inner Critics do not have Your Highest Good in mind. Self-Love does.
The more you Recognize Your Inner Light and Your Beautiful Qualities you will realize
that not only are you more than enough but that you are a Unique and Worthy Being.
And as that really begins to dawn on you, the more you will begin to see that You Are a part of The Whole,
a part of The ONE, ever growing, ever Becoming.
As You turn Your Attention away from Your Inner Critic(s), that/those critical voice(s)
will no longer be able to run you into the ground into depression and constant self-doubt.
You will be in Receivership of Inner Voices Guiding You with more Love, more Light, and more Wisdom.
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