Lessons in Disguise: Finding Growth Through Challenges

 

Often, when we feel broken to the core, it’s hard to realize that some of our most potential for growth is from the lessons in disguise. Finding growth through challenges is sometimes too much to ask for. But that is exactly what Life is demanding of you. Seeing and learning the lessons in our trials and tribulations is where real personal growth takes place.

Stop for a moment and think about your own Life–can you recall any time that you didn’t know or see a way out of a situation, but did get through it eventually? A serious challenge that was quite painful to endure. What lessons have you learned, or taken away from it? If you are still carrying anger around it, see if you can begin to release the anger to fully Heal.

I have found that when I truly stepped away from what happened and how pissed I was at the person or situation, I was able to look at things from a clearer vantage point,  At one time there was a person who I carried a lot of rage for, (um, actually there were others lol, but this person in particular was a partner at the time). Now, don’t  get me wrong, he did do some incredibly *ucked up sh*t. His actions ultimately  jeopardized my safety, my finances and our property (which we lost in the long run).

I held onto that rage for a lonnnnnng time. But one day, I got tired of being mad.  I was weary of carrying that luggage finally realizing it did nothing for me. When that happened, a part of my Life transformed. When I could take accountability for my actions, see that there were other choices I had that I disregarded due to some fears, I was ultimately able to forgive myself and him.

A cloud had truly lifted.

 

The Blame Game

 

When things are always somebody else’s fault, you can find yourself in a perpetual loop of the same situation coming back at you, faster and faster sometimes. You have choices–you can always be a victim, or recognize that Life is always showing you something and giving you ample opportunities for personal growth. You can break the perpetual loop, setting yourself free, and hence leveling up your understanding and Spiritual Frequency. It’s called “Getting To Know You” and I don’t mean the song, but yourself.

The more you get to know yourself, the more discerning you could become when it comes to decision-making in relationships, finances, career, etc. Now some of those situations may come up again, it’s almost like a test. If you can see it and say, “ahhh Life, I see what’s goin’ on! Not gonna fall for that one again! Learned my lesson, don’t want or need to repeat it.”

When you can say that and step off, you know you’ve arrived to another level!

Using those lessons in disguise and finding growth through your challenges can teach you to listen to and heed your Intuition a whole lot better.

When those red flags are thrown and they always are, learning from challenges can help you not fall into emotional and impulsive actions. It gives you an opportunity and some breathing room to make the best decisions going forward.

An example: you always say yes when you mean NO. But for whatever the reasons are that this is your pattern, it’s due to listening and believing either what somebody said you should do, or what you told yourself that’s what you should do, or is expected of you because XYZ–notice the word ‘should’ is in both examples?

 

A Personal Story, Many Challenges and Lessons Learned

 

So before I get into this, I’ll jump to the chase–the lessons I learned from this event (and continue to remember whenever I’ve forgotten) is that I have the strength, tenacity, fortitude and resilience to get through anything.  

I learned this very young as I was tested from the age of nine when the world that I knew was shattered at age 9 with the death of my mother. That began the period of hell.  It was the start of one of the most awful and intense periods in my Life that continued for what seemed like forever until I could free myself from my parents’ grip. (to some extent). 

Anywho…

Ahhhh, the 4th grade. First crush, naw maybe the 3rd one. A boy named Melvin Wilds (good gawd, I still remember his name!) was an older boy who I was wildly in love with. He was in the 5th grade. I’m 10, he’s 11. One day, I had to go to the main branch of the Brooklyn Public Library to do some research and he offered to walk me there!

I was on the moon. And then I landed on it.

 

Ok Bird, What Exactly Happened?

 

We set off and I was floating–all of the trauma of the year before and current were absent as I walked blissfully and joyfully next to my paramour. He was the perfect gentleman, and whatever doubts I had initially as to why in the heck this 5th grader would wanna walk me of all people anywhere was beyond me. I was farrrrrrr from being one of the popular girls. Old clothes and shoes cause we had no money, not the fashion horse and definitely not trendy. But choose me, he did.

School was in the prime Prospect Heights area–right near the Botanical Gardens, Prospect Park. the Brooklyn Museum and the library. What a playground!

It’s in middle of winter with tons of snow and ice on the ground. The front of the museum was very very different in those days–there a driveway going up a hill to the doorway of the museum and quite treacherous which we navigated like pros, just about to hit the summit. And then…

BAMN! DOWN I WENT, SLIDING ALLLLLLL THE WAY BACK DOWWWWWWNNNNN THE HILL.

Now, it was bad enough that I fell and slid down an entire hill head first in front of an 11 year old boy I wanted to impress, but as I finally reached the bottom I was hit, first by my red and black plaid lunch box, BONK!

I thought that was it but I didn’t realize that my lunchbox had opened until I was hit by the matching glass thermos that rolled down after.

OMGAWD AM I LAUGHING AS I WRITE THIS!

And my love stood at the very top of said hill SCREECHING in laughter, the screams that only 11 year old boys can do. it was loud enough to be heard in the Bronx! 

 

Weren’t You Mortified?

 

I had some choices. To lie there and cry, get up running away and crying, or doing just what I did. I got up. Gathered my things, put my thermos back into the lunchbox (after shaking it to see if the glass had broken). And then walk, Back. Up. That. Hill. Past the screeching boy and on my way.

SIDEBAR: (Now honestly, I could’ve gathered my things and walked away on the sidewalk going past the museum to the library, but I always loved walking up that hill. That’s how you got to the park that used to be between the museum and the library. I always felt like I was in a lofty position looking down upon the world…) 

Surprisingly, he followed me and continued to walk me to the library. My fortitude in that situation as such a young age already carrying a heavy burden was a testament to what I am made of and has served me in all the days since. Facing that challenge head on, not pausing for pity or shame, serves as a valuable lesson for me from something that could have been pretty mortifying.  (Actually it was, but I didn’t let that stop me.)

That disaster taught me to keep it moving, the hell with what anyone, including an 11 year old screeching boy thinks.

 

Claim Your Power

 

As I suggested above, go through your Life, what situations have you experienced that you are still harboring anger, regret, guilt or shame? Start with one of those. Ask yourself:

1. Why am I still upset over this?
2. Is my holding anything other than seeing the lesson(s) and growing from it doing anything for me? Changing anything or maybe hindering me?
3. When you get to a place where you can see that holding any ill-will toward what happened only keeps you in that loop of replaying the experience constantly and feeling as if it is currently happening and does you absolutely no good, 
4. Begin to release your hold on it.
5. Understand that beginning to let it go (it being your need to replay it) only sets YOU free, it doesn’t let anyone off the hook but you
6. Bless it, release it and claim your POWER in seeing that perhaps there’s something you can learn from it
7. When you can see that you actually overcame the challenge and recognize the lessons, you have stepped into your POWER

 

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